The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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