Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
