I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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