This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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