cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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