watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My balls are so social today.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize