i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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