happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
