I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
