I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We got so high we made milksteak
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
