It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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