so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
