oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
