I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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