It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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