Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize