I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
