Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
