She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
