Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
