They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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