it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
