I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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