The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
