Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
