Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
