Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
