I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize