My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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