I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
