He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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