I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
