Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
