im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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