I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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