he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
