Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
