We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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