Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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