We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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