I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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