You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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