Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
