Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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