You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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