I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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