for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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