i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
