Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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