dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
