My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
