it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
