The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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