I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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