No stitches, just platelets and will power
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
