If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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