I didn't shave. On purpose
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
