How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
