I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
