i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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