My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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