you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
