Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize