i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
