she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
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