Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
