Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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