its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he was CRYING into my vagina
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
