idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
