note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
