I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
