My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
