So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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