Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
