So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
