So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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