Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
