Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway