you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume