I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches