Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
