Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
