Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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